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Joke of the Day

"I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am."

"Did you hear why the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shut down? Because the Trump administration is now the greatest show on earth!"

"A man is being arrested by a female police officer she informs him, ""Anything you say can and will be held against you."" ""Anything?"" he asks with a smirk ""Anything."" ""Tits please"""

"Remember, flies transmit diseases So keep yours up"

"If Monday had a face, I'd punch it."

"Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!"

"What do 9/10 people enjoy? Gangrape"

"Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag."

"Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes? A: Slow clowns."

"When life gives you lemons Drink the kool-aide"