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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys..."

"Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher!"

"I bet Lincoln is looking down like ""dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"""

"4-year-old: ""Frozen"" is on TV! Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download. 4: Yeah, but this one is on right now."

"Why did the libertarian cross the road? None of your goddamn business. Am I being detained?"

"My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naive to know she's way out of my league."

"I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can"

"Why was Civil Disobedience such a good essay? Thoreau editing."

"It is okay to make jokes about Donald Trump, For now..."

"When I ask for a threesome with you and your best friend, I am only joking... Unless the answer is yes... In which case, can I videotape it?"