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Joke of the Day

"the waiter grinds me some pepper. ""tell me when."" i never say 'when'. the restaurant and the city fill with pepper. sky turns black w/ peppr"

"Don't trust atoms. Seriously, don't. They make up everything."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 'Aye matey"""

"Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny."

"White people sure do love generalizations."

"On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted... ...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator)."

"[Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent's jacket] Terrorist: FBI? Agent: uhhh Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector"

"I've done all the cleaning and ironing but I've forgot why I broke into this house in the first place."

"Did you hear about the comedian that calls himself ""The Sofa King""? He's sofa king funny."

"Why are turtles so grumpy? Because they can't masturbate."