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Joke of the Day

"I've done all the cleaning and ironing but I've forgot why I broke into this house in the first place."

"*Sniffs* ""Spring in the air!"" ""Why should I?"" *ba dum tss*"

"Got my ass fucking handed to me at Candyland again today by my 3 year-old. This decade is going to SUCK."

"I fainted at an Indian restaurant when I found out that R.E.M had split up That's me in the korma."

"What do you call the men I kidnap and jerk off against their will? Stroke Victims."

"What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader ? A spooksman !"

"Misery loves company, and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend."

"My Lesbian neighbours got me a rolex for my birthday I think they misunderstood when I said, "" I wanna watch"""

"A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday..."

"The truth will set you free. Unless the truth is you committed murder. In which, the truth will get you 25 to life."