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Joke of the Day
"Why are turtles so grumpy? Because they can't masturbate."
Next Joke
"If you drop a piano down a mine shaft what key does it play in? A flat minor"
"There's only two things I hate... Size queens and small dicks."
"They say 1 in 5 people now live next door to a child molester. Can you believe that?? We'll not me, I live next to 2 smokin' hot 12 year olds!"
"Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates"
"what do you call it when you donate a vagina to charity? good will cunting"
"2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokemon cards* Well, there's always next year"
"Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time."
"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
"My nickname is Spaghetti Because I'm 20 inches and hot water makes me floppy."