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Joke of the Day

"While sitting on the couch my wife said ""I feel like putting on a pair of flip-flops."" Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate."

Next Joke
 
"When I write too fast, my ""E"" looks like a ""G"" making this assignment sheet where I marked several projects as ""DONE"" look pretty weird."
"When someone picks up your call after 3 or 4 rings you should know they were seriously contemplating letting you go to voicemail"
"I was recently asked my view on lesbians... In HD wasn't the answer they were looking for :/"
"Shoe repair guy: so what happened? [cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet] Me: I stepped in a..puddle"
"Jesus, my local time travel club postponed their meeting again.. Now its last week"
"How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: r/AskReddit"
"When I heard that my toaster wasn't water resistant... I was shocked!!"
"How many people can ride on a bird? Toucan."
"An British man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar The Irishman says 'Hey, is this some kind of joke?'"