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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Irish firing squad? They formed a circle."

"Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I'm sobering up."

"My Memory Lane is now mostly traffic cones."

"Are you a pilot? Because I'd like a trip straight to Djibouti."

"""Where do you see yourself in five years?"" ""I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."""

"Weekend settings activated, please don't call unless if its alcohol, food, fun, alcohol, fun and food again. All problems deferred to Monday..."

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegtable? The wheelchair."

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."

"What does a haunted hamburger say? MooooOOOoooOoo"

"What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage? Divine intervention. edit: Oh."