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Joke of the Day

"When someone picks up your call after 3 or 4 rings you should know they were seriously contemplating letting you go to voicemail"

"I got a tattoo on my penis that says ""TINY"" when I'm flaccid. When I'm erect, it says ""TICONDEROGA NY"""

"Which of the twelve knights built King Arthur's round table? Sir cumference"

"I've seen such a change in myself this past year. I've really grown a lot. I need bigger pants"

"Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies? A: In his sleevies!"

"Urgent!!!! hey! I'm sending this message via internet explorer so it might be slow... but quick! There is a plane heading for the twin towers! call somebody before it is too"

"Want to know what I know about dwarves? Very little. Heard from a friend. It's awful, I know."

"If Donald Trump was a communist, instead of saying ""Grab her by the pussy"" he would have said ""Seize the means of reproduction."""

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!"

"[runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN"