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Joke of the Day

"I'll never be mad enough to throw my phone somewhere."

"I'm not saying she has daddy issues but she only fills out credit cards for the instant approval."

"What do fat girls and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."

"My therapist picked a cool time to go on vacay I'm making decisions out here like a wild animal"

"I asked my wife if anything was wrong and she said ""yes"" and I'm completely lost, I've never played the game like this before."

"My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed foreskin... Only side effect is she's a little cock-eyed now."

"""Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep."" *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"

"When you drop the beet... ...everybody's going to turnip"

"I don't think Jesus would be mad if he came back and saw what the world has become. He might be a bit cross, though."

"Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than ""he sees how creepy u are, that's why he doesn't want to shake your hand""."