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Joke of the Day

"Some people mock me because I'm a virgin but I don't give a fuck (This is probably a repost because it's so unoriginal)"

"On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage."

"If you don't think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque."

"Next time someone texts you to say ""call me""... Call them to say ""text me"". And just hang up."

"What's a composer's favourite childhood game? Haydn seek."

"My heart goes out to all those frustrated people who are stuck in Traffic, on their way to the Gym to ride Stationary Bicycles..."

"If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious."

"How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it!"

"The enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy of my enemy is Kevin Bacon."

"Why was the blonde's belly button bruised? Her boyfriend was blond, too."