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Joke of the Day
"What do fat girls and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."
Next Joke
"Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead? Because it was irony."
"[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow."
"Some collage just called me saying they accepted me to their collage.."
"what do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates? a tear-jerker"
"I'm sorry your husband of 50 yrs is dead. Here is a casserole made with Campbells Soup. ~White people."
"Did you hear about that deaf guy that tried climbing Mount Everest? Neither did he. Worst part was, no one ever heard from him again."
"I owe my life to Nickelback I got in a horrible car crash and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it."
"Where is everyone beautiful? In the dark."
"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"