144613

Joke of the Day

"The man said to his mime... ""I'm afraid I have to fire you."" The mime replied, ""Why the fuck am I fired?"""

"""Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair."" -actual message from my mom"

"Facebook users are roaming the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people's faces and screaming 'DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU??'"

"Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks."

"The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman."

"Why do i call my dick ""chess""? because it's hard as fuck for 6 year olds"

"*turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you."

"I'll do you like I do my homework... For two minutes."

"What is the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? The Boy Scout came back from camp."

"How do they know Princess Diana had dandruff? Because they found her Head n' Shoulders in the glove box."