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Joke of the Day

"*turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? ...it doesn't matter, he isn't going to come anyways."

"Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day 12 hours/day. Thank you, don't forget to tip your TA, I'll be here all week (M-F except Federal Holiday) folks!"

"Why did Fetty Wap chose that as his stage name? Because he wanted to make $50K per day from ad revenue."

"Scott Summers (X-Men) is dead.. ...by watching his navel. (I don't know if this joke works in English)"

"Damn girl are you Schrodinger's cat cos you're in a box and all these nerds are talking about you? Sir have some respect this is a funeral."

"What do you call a bird with 3 wings and 3 legs? Triangull"

"Did you here Ram Dass is getting a sex change? He decided to Be Her Now"

"Melania Trump doesn't want to live in the same place as her husband. More than half of America feels the same way."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive... They would eventually find me attractive."