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Joke of the Day

"""Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair."" -actual message from my mom"

"ME: Hi, come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time you're not at a sleepover. You're married."

"Having a relationship is like taking your SAT. There's a lot of cheating, you never finish at the same time, and, in the end, you end up trying again in a few months."

"I changed my name in my daughters phone to God.... I texted her and said ""I saw that"" You should of seen her face Priceless"

"Shake what yo mama gave you! Oh she just handed you a child. Don't shake that"

"What body of water is used for writing? The Apostrosea."

"Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I."

"I married a European chess master. He's my Czech mate."

"saddam hussein is full of shiite."

"How many Im not saying she's a slut But jokes are there? Im not saying she a slut but: She's been boarded more times than Amtrak"