143120

Joke of the Day

"what do a toddler and a case of new pencils have in common? They are both pointless."

"I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon."

"I like my coffee how I like my women Sweet and with a cream topping."

"What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's."

"My fire alarm keeps going off. I think it's because my girlfriend keeps coming in. She is smoking hot."

"If this cat doesn't stop trying to lick my plate, we're having Chinese for dinner tomorrow."

"Things the GOP has battled this week: 1. Ethics 2. Intelligence"

"What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble? ""I didn't do it on Porpoise!!"""

"I went to the Zoo once. It had only one dog. It was a Shitzu."

"So I brought a girl home from the bar last night... When we got to bed, she said ""Give me twelve inches and make me bleed!"" So I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."