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Joke of the Day
"Why is an aborted baby so hard to fool? Because It wasn't born yesterday."
Next Joke
"What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him? He's got more money than cents"
"I got a vasectomy at Sears! Was really inexpensive, but now whenever I get an erection, my garage door opens."
"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? A: Conservation of momentum. _____ *Also, give me your best dark jokes, I've been out of it a few years and I need to get some new material.*"
"How many first-time theater directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, what do you guys think?"
"What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved."
"[at funeral parlor with bereaved girlfriend] HER: You think these glass urns are a good idea? ME: Remains to be seen."
"There once was a man named Dave Dave dug up a chick from the grave. She looked kinda gritty... Was missing a titty... But think of the money he saved!"
"I pay a monthly membership fee that lets me think about going to a gym."
"I am absolutely mortified right now. I sent someone a DM to my small business center and TinyURL shortened it to http://tinyurl.com/acockk"