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Joke of the Day

"How many first-time theater directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, what do you guys think?"

"*notices ham sandwich while searching inside myself* 'wait, if that's here' *son opens lunchbox to find debilitating existential malaise*"

"Golf is like life! It has it's ups and downs, but eventually you end up in a hole"

"So I was driving home from work and I saw what looked like a giant weasel It was humongoose."

"What do you plant ... What do you plant, to grow a really big plant that has nothing wrong with it? Dyslexic acorns. They grow into A-ok trees."

"You're shoes are untied! April fools! Got ya!!"

"Me to dad:i'll call u later Dad:don't call me later call me dad"

"What did one bird say to the other bird? toucan play at this game."

"I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !"

"I had a break-through this morning... I should probably buy thicker toilet paper."