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Joke of the Day

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? A: Conservation of momentum. _____ *Also, give me your best dark jokes, I've been out of it a few years and I need to get some new material.*"

"I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today... The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him ""I don't care what starsign it is."""

"Why do so many Australian men experience premature ejeculation? Because they can`t wait to get out and tell all their friends about scoring."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? NINE!"

"The world's largest info tech company has merged with a mobile accessories company, but refuses to share a name with them. And they're not even sorry about it. Nope, they're not Apple-Logitech."

"What do you call a stoner balancing his checkbook? High finance!"

"If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone."

"What does socialism smell like? It has a Bernie smell."

"Clearly cheating A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, ""I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."""

"What did the constipated mathematician do? He sat down and worked it out with a pencil."