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Joke of the Day

"I got a vasectomy at Sears! Was really inexpensive, but now whenever I get an erection, my garage door opens."

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said: ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"What did the woman say while she was having a baby? ""This could use some salt."""

"Want to buy a pocket computer? No thanks I already know how many pockets I've got."

"Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a registered six offender"

"I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery."

"Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? A: Turn off the carousel."

"How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars."

"When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say ""Oh my God, it's huge!"""

"hAD SO MYCH COFFEE WHO wantS TO HELP ME STOP KONY LETS GO LETS STEAL A CAR BRO CMON"