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Joke of the Day

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

"I tried kombucha for the first time the other day. It made me feel very cultured."

"What do you call a skinny tree that raps? Slim Shady"

"How can we make people tell the truth? ""Lets make them put one hand on a book & the other on their chest. That'll scare the shit out of em"""

"Whats the difference between a suicide bomber and a hooker..?? Nothing.. They like to blow.."

"I hope buying all this cat food doesn't make me look like a crazy cat lady. I just like the taste."

"Cross a mobster in the streets. Horse's head in the sheets."

"I love animals, and I want to stop eating meat... But I just can't quit cold turkey!"

"It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing."

"What was the best part about Narcos Season 2? [SPOILERS] Tata, Pablo Escobar"