181991

Joke of the Day

"I tried kombucha for the first time the other day. It made me feel very cultured."

"Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend."

"Did I tell you about my attempt to grow bananas in sand? It was fruitless."

"You're McDonalds; I'm Burger King I'm doing it my way, and you're lovin' it."

"Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey."

"I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once."

"Batman: ""I am...**BATMAN!**"" ""Hi, Batman, I'm not Dad because yours already died when you were a kid."""

"Ranger Station BOSS: I have reports that you treat the wildlife inappropriately ME: No way *porcupine waddles by w/ kebabs on each quill*"

"When a woman says, ""We need to talk"", it's no good. Never has a woman said, ""We need to talk"" and followed it up with ""about pillow forts""."

"Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me."