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Joke of the Day

"I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet."

"I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by."

"Jesus isn't one to get angry very often.. But I remember seeing him once looking very cross"

"I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag... 1 year for insulting a political officer, 30 years for revealing a state secret"

"Your breath is so nasty.... That people look forward to your farts"

"Once you go black... Single mother for life."

"Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells."

"""How long have you been chopping wood for?"" ""I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"""

"What do you call a doctor who is always available? An oncallogist."

"I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish."