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Joke of the Day

"I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish."

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"Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she. Do you know what her dogs name was? (insert Wookie noise) Do you know why her dog ran away? You would to if your name was (insert Wookie noise)."
"What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk"
"DRAGON: get AWAY from me ME: let me pet ur scales pls DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u ME: breathe fire on me DRAGON: *is creeped out*"
"What do you call a slutty duck that does drugs? A quack whore."
"*high fives self* *misses*"
"This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics."
"[Commercial] *Camera focuses on a man choking on a whole apple* Narrator: ""If only there was a better way?"" [On Screen Caption] TEETH"
"""OMG!!! HeRE LiEs BRiaNnA RiP! :*("" - Tombstones in 2060"
"A wise man once said........................... nothing,,, He just let her vent"
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