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Joke of the Day

"Your restraining order says NO But your lazy eye says.......maybe later."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training."

"Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely tweeting faster than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space."

"Today is Tax Day. It's going to be a tough day for the few hundred people in the U.S. that are still making an income."

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"

"cops should have two guns to get rid of crime faster . cops should be dual wielding by 2016"

"Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl? ...you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it."

"According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama."

"How did Trump win? He Trumped the opposition. It was Hillaryious"