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Joke of the Day

"I'll never get a dog, but if I had to I'd the kind that doesn't have its butthole displayed too prominently."

"why can't conservatives work at a checkout counter? Because they don't like change..."

"What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white? Greh."

"Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls"

"We just had Christmas and now Easter is right around the corner. Hard to believe they crucified Jesus when he was only 4 months old."

"There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she's spoken to."

"My parents are middle aged. ""Mine are to-"" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] ""CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"""

"When in trouble I think What Would Justin Bieber Do? scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly."

"On our honeymoon, more than anything, I wanted to join the Mile High Club... ...but my wife didn't give a flying fuck"

"Black Friday through the years: 2005: 5am 2010: 3am 2012: 12am 2013: Thursday 8pm 2014: Thursday 2020: 4th of July"