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Joke of the Day

"When in trouble I think What Would Justin Bieber Do? scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly."

"What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid? My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing."

"A Muslim Woman wanted to fuck a gorilla. Her husband objected and said... ""That's Haram, bae."""

"If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance."

"First thing I do every morning when I wake up is take a shit. Then I roll over and get out of bed."

"Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key."

"Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog-horn."

"*gets down to snails level* IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THERE FASTER."

"Oxygen went on a date with potassium. It went OK."

"The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms and the 8th amendment gives us the right to horse legs"