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Joke of the Day

"When in trouble I think What Would Justin Bieber Do? scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly."

"What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia? Thrown in a lake."

"I play a song, nobody likes it. One week later, every cunt likes it."

"Just once I'd like to make it through a game of mini golf without having to smash someone's windshield out with the putter"

"Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen. On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform."

"How does Davy Crockett take his pie? A'lamode"

"Every time I read news about ISS Im like what did ISIS do this time... half way through the article... how the hell did they get to space. Oh wait damn you dyslexia!! edit: joke"

"I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I'd never pay to have a lentil on my face"

"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."