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Joke of the Day

"On our honeymoon, more than anything, I wanted to join the Mile High Club... ...but my wife didn't give a flying fuck"

"-Do you know what the girls say when the see a large penis? -No? -Well, I do."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It'll take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid."

"When someone's ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes. We'll see how busy you are tomorrow."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry Potter escaped the chambers."

"Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency? Han Jobs"

"My dyslexic brother just did the ice bucket challenge. He keeps asking how this helps people who use American Sign Language."

"I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer."

"What runs all day but never gets tired? Water."

"There was a royal baby... The royal baby was born 8 pounds, 6 ounces. With the exchange rate, that's like 12.50, American."