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Joke of the Day

"I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore... I'm moving the fridge to my room."

"A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname."

"5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?"

"I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years It's not like I have 2020 vision"

"How do you make a little girl cry even more? You wipe your bloody dick off on her teddy bear."

"What do you get when you cross reddit and a weekend? No new messages."

"DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years"

"I have a roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other."

"What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda training camp? Don't ask me, I just fly the drone."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""