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Joke of the Day

"Want to take the wind out of my sails? Walk past my table at the restaurant with what I thought was my meal."

"I've got a shitty joke. Why did the poo have a crappy life? Because his dad is an arsehole"

"Yes, I'm aware I can't fly, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try if my chute doesn't open."

"Eat* a big** bowl*** of Cheerios****! Part***** of any healthy****** breakfast*******! [please read warnings and disclaimers carefully]"

"I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean."

"Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer? He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!"

"Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies"

"Teacher: ""When was Rome built?"" Pupil: ""At night."" Teacher: ""Why did you say that?"" Pupil: ""Because my dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!"""

"My car was making this annoying sound . . . . . . so I went to see a mechanic. Me: My car is making an annoying sound. Mechanic: Easy fix. Reach over. Open the door. And push her out."

"The search for the mystery penis chopper goes on Detective jones has had a tip off, but will be back at work on Monday."