140309

Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? A: An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"*goes to the park* *spoon feeds red bull to the ducks*"

"What was the Feminist's least favorite subject? Trigger-nometry."

"I've been making an effort lately to be better with women. I'm trying to be more assertive, as well as insertive."

"funny My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys."

"Just accidentally threw an 'xo' in a text to a dude. Guess I have to fuck him now."

"Doctor says, ""I've got good news and bad news..."" The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's. The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs!"

"AMA: US government thinks I am an ET dealing drugs Because I am an illegal alien."

"How do you know your girlfriend's getting fat? She fits in your wife's clothes."

"I wish I had a job where I could just punch stupid motherfuckers in the face all day."