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Joke of the Day

"AMA: US government thinks I am an ET dealing drugs Because I am an illegal alien."

"I knocked on my neighbour's door. I said, ""Can you keep it down a bit please?"" ""Why?"" he asked. I said, ""I just feel a bit uncomfortable talking to you when you are erect."""

"What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar? Expecto-Patron-On-Ice"

"Where do ghosts live? At the dead end."

"So it's the first of October. I wonder if anyone remembered to wake Green Day up?"

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy's house and he's really pissed"

"The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever."

"Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down the well? She screamed her fingers to the bone."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one. They hold the bulb and expect the world to revolve around them. Edit: missed the y in they Thanks u/HapaHeather"