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Joke of the Day

"*goes to the park* *spoon feeds red bull to the ducks*"

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"I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."
"How does an optometrist make love? Better like this ... or better like this?"
"Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad"
"My band is called 999 megabytes. We don't have any gigs. lol"
"A study was just published that shark attacks happen most often in water. Now I have to worry about the ones that occur elsewhere."
"When I said I got a little action last night, I was referring to bed bugs."
"What class does everyone remember fondly from Highschool? Nostalgebra"
"I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my back. I'm not sure yet, but I have a hunch."
"A magician was driving in his car... ...and he turned into a driveway."