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Joke of the Day

"Pantyhose How many animals can you fit in a pantyhose? 10 little piggies 2 calves 1 ass 1 beaver A bunch of hares and.. 1 fish that no one can find."

"an octopus is just a wet spider"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $5 to have a garbanzo bean on me."

"Me: I have Schrodinger like reflexes ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" Me: Yes and No."

"Give a girl a slutty costume and she'll whore around for one night. Give her a bad education and she'll whore around forever."

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"You won't believe what every headline on the Internet is these days. They're clickbait. That's what they are."

"I met a group of guys who were all named Richard last night... what a bunch of Dicks"

"When I first got my student loans, I thought they were great. Now, they're outstanding!"

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Until they kicked me out of the library"