140281

Joke of the Day

"Damn girl are you a planet? Because i can see Uranus through my binoculars at night."

"[7am] *drinks 19 cups of coffee for work *can't stay awake [9pm] *takes a sip of coffee [2am] I should vacuum the dog"

"if a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ..i just get in the back seat"

"Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible."

"What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight? There ain't no rest for the wicked"

"If you cant beat'em, join'em! Then kill them while they're sleeping."

"You are so ugly, when people see you.. ..staring at yourself in the mirror for a long time , they don't think you are a narcissist but automatically assume you have Body dysmorphic disorder.."

"Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell."

"Perfection ""Practice makes perfect"" ""Nobody's perfect"" I'm so confused"

"[KK] Broken pencil Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? ... nevermind, there's no point"