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Joke of the Day

"Random drunk guy: if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and I together. Me: It's perfect the way it is with N and O together."

"I finally read to the end of the dictionary today. It turns out the zebra did it for me."

"Meth addicts gets all their drug money from the tooth fairy."

"What kind of orange juice do Jews drink? All kinds, just not concentrated"

"Is this how you reddit ? I threw my old Ironing board out and have started using Katie Price instead. Her legs are easier to open."

"What's the difference between a piano,tuna and glue. You can tune a piano. You cant piano a tuna."

"I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase."

"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"

"Before my grandma kicked the bucket, he said one thing to me ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."