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Joke of the Day

"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."

"I want a rich person to hire me to float around in their pool and feed me bread I want to be a wealthy person's duck"

"Of all the stupid things the church makes people believe, leading everyone to believe they can and should sing is the absolute worst."

"5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*"

"Ladies: Is your boyfriend the strong, silent type? Is he carved out of wood? Ladies, you may be dating a garden gnome."

"What's the best thing about kids? Making them!!!"

"What happens if Donald Trump pulls out of the election? He will be Donald Duck"

"What did the adrenaline addict say to the serial killer? ""Why are we even friends?"""

"How do you turn your girlfriend into an angry pirate? Cum in a her eye and kick her in the shin."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a bunch of Mexicans? Jesus doesn't have a bunch of Mexicans tattooed all over himself."