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Joke of the Day

"i made this joke up last week my friends say too soon knock knock who's there chris brown chris brown who who da fuck chris brownn dis ray rice bitch(punch to face) git out the elevator"

"Loses house keys. Builds new house."

"My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn't mean together."

"I keep a No. 2 pencil in my pocket just in case motherfuckers wanna test me."

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"I accidentally bought regular Cheerios instead of Honey Nut and now my breakfast tastes like I'm attending a party sober."

"A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story"

"How to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve..."

"How do you calculate the length of rosemary? Sprigonometry"

"me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*"