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Joke of the Day

"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"

"A lot of my friends struggle hard with drug addiction and alcoholism but they both came real easy for me."

"It's like the people in this restroom don't even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU"

"Met this chinese guy with the surname Shen. His name's Eric. As in Eric Shen. Have him for more than 4hours, call a doctor!"

"What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator? An elevator can raise a family I'll just see myself out."

"so the new ghostbusters took a trip to the hospital recently and i.m over here like 'ladies, you have to wait.'"

"Whats the difference... Between a hormone and and enzyme? You cant hear an enzyme."

"[NO SPOILERS] Did you hear about the stormtrooper who fell asleep at The Force Awakens? He missed everything!"

"What do you call a Mexican that lost his car? Carlos"

"My New Year's Resolution was to stop making innuendo jokes about my sexual stamina. Day two and so far so good. I just hope I can keep it up."