138958

Joke of the Day

"*Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*"

"Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final. There were 8 black men and a gun."

"How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path."

"My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!"

"A man asks his wife ""Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"" The wife says ""I don't like calling you when you're at work!"""

"Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Food is great but the atmosphere is terrible!"

"what do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog"

"What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony? A tumblr."

"If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference."

"Using a butter knife on steak... it just doesn't cut it."