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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If you're trying to get over a crush just imagine them taking the wettest dump ever. Unless, of course, you're into that kind of shit."

"Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear? A: Climb a tree. If the bear climbs up and eats you, it's a brown bear. If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it's a grizzly."

"I think i am allergic to leather. Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache."

"Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?"

"A guy goes to the doctor... He says, ""Doc, every time I drink coffee I feel a sharp pain in my right eye."" The doctor asks, ""Did you take out the spoon?"""

"I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary."

"Every time I go into my boss' office she tells me ""take a seat"". I have 14 now."

"Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl."

"Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!"

"Did you hear Lance Armstrong lied The ball of some people"