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Joke of the Day

"A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you're at it, why don't you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit"

"H G Wells walked into a library and asked for a book on Time Travel. ""Bugger off""said the librarian, ""you didn't bring it back"""

"The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, ""How?"" He said ""Don't eat anything fatty."" I said, ""You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"" He said, ""No, just don't eat anything, fatty."""

"[snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a ""snow blower"" and was wondering where I might find one."

"Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Sexy nurse! H: Meet me in the bedroom. [10 minutes later] *we both come in wearing nurse costumes* M: Uh."

"Micromanager Knock Knock Who's there? Micromanager. Now, you say 'micromanager who?'"

"What dog always gets on everyone's nerves? A great pane!"

"What do you call a fish that's on its way to somewhere? Salmon en route"

"[diner] ME: I'll have the eggs, please WAITER: how would you like those? ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you."

"Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture."