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Joke of the Day

"How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick."

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"

"What's the difference between the Hillary Clinton and a piece of fruit? The fruit can only get so rotten."

"""We stopped making the style of jeans that fit you perfectly right after you bought your first pair."" -Every store ever"

"Walter White should get a monument & every healthcare exec should receive the sentence for his crimes. They made him."

"What if Titanic was real and not just a movie? Crazy to think about"

"Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom."

"The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar. My life has been pretty uneventful since."

"Somebody broke into my house yesterday, and stole all my lamps. I was delighted."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero"