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Joke of the Day

"Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong?"

"Why cant you play cards on a rowboat? Because you're sitting on the deck..."

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair!"

"""Because Im a goddamned rock star!"" wasn't the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned."

"Scientists Have Captured the Sound One Atom Makes and what did the atom say? ""Does it really matter we make up everything."""

"As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I'd lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry."

"Ad: You like to save money, right? Me (thinking): dear god, they've read my diary"

"It's 100% legal to give cops the finger. But remember, it's also apparently 100% legal for them to shoot and kill you."

"A man calls his doctor late at night. ""Doc! My arm got broke in two places! What should I do?!"" The sleepy M.D replies, ""Don't go back to either of them."""

"Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him."