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Joke of the Day

"""Because Im a goddamned rock star!"" wasn't the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned."

"I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey."

"Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke."

"""Finish your peas. Kids in China are starving"" ""Finish your math. Kids in America are cheating off the Asian kids"""

"A man walks into a bar But it's atmospheric pressure so he's fine."

"The Patriots winning a Super Bowl without cheating"

"""My Heart Mustard Go On"" - Celine Dijon"

"Newtonian physics are a good approximation for big objects that move slowly Like your mom"

"Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest ..... Eat a banana!"

"A rabbi a priest and a crocodile walk into a bar Chuck Norris mother fuckers.....whoooooooooooooo"