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Joke of the Day

"Ad: You like to save money, right? Me (thinking): dear god, they've read my diary"

"*at party* Guy: Want to dance? Me: I'm sorry but I cannot, in good conscience, leave this cheese ball unattended."

"What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil? Popeye's knob."

"Asked God his thoughts on assuming genders, his reply... ""Hmmm, I guess I should have made it more obvious"""

"What do a good joke and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old."

"Why did Bruce Jenner become invisible? because he's a transparent."

"What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother? Adipose Rex."

"1.Not leaving my room 2.Not leaving the house 3.Missing someone's birthday party My childhood punishments have become my adult hobbies."

"I'm a very old fashioned kind of guy (i'll kill you and steal your spices)"

"Jay-Z puts down his phone and rolls his eyes. ""The wife."" ""I hear that!"" says Kanye, trying do the same but accidentally going cross-eyed."