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Joke of the Day

"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."

"My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible..."

"I got attacked by a yob with bat down the local park yesterday.. I was really impressed with how well he had it trained"

"Why did Hu wind-up worse off than Yu? Because Hu died and made Yu king. Hu died and made Yu king? Isn't that what I just said?"

"I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along... They didn't even have a legitimate issue."

"There's two things I hate. Hypocrisy and condescension. Do you understand what I mean?"

"What did the druggie do when he got acid? Took some tums"

"You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog"

"EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS I'M YELLING, BUT MY VIC 20 DOESN'T HAVE LOWER CASE!"

"The rules of weed do not work for pussy.. If you can smell it across the room, it's not the good shit."