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Joke of the Day
"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."
Next Joke
"Have you heard my unemployment joke? Yeah, it needs a little work."
"What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's dad have in common? They both waited too long to pull out."
"It's better to be a worldwide alcoholic, than an Alcoholic Anonymous."
"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."
"How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it."
"Where does an atom go when it breaks down? A quantum mechanic. lel"
"Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad."
"I like my slaves like I like my coffee. Free"
"When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always ""I don't believe you."""