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Joke of the Day

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"The West Coast is so last year"

"Why does Barack Obama eat bananas? Because they are popular, inexpensive, and a good source of potassium."

"So, Noah found two polar bears in the Mideast? And after the flood, he took them back to Canada? That sounds plausible. #GodScience"

"What Pokemon can you find at Auschwitz? Gastly"

"What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home? Echo-location, location, location (Replace ""bat"" with ""zubat"" if you wish.)"

"Just like winning the lottery... Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right.....we had 6 matching balls."

"I'm not paying any more child support. His posture hasn't improved at all."

"They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I'd love to hear a Michael Buble version of Monster Mash."

"If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me."