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Joke of the Day

"Me: I didn't get the job. Wife: Why not? M: Something about my eyesight. W: What EXACTLY did they say? M: That I needed 'adult supervision'."

"What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker? Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*"

"Your mother ."

"Did you know semen leaves the body at almost thirty miles per hour? This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though."

"What do Jedi sheep sound like? Dagobah."

"What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss."

"What's worse than the holocaust? 6 millions jews"

"Got a cease and desist letter that says I can't wear my hard hat around town until I learn how to wolf whistle."

"The difference between Julius Caesar and a Rapist? Caesar came, saw, and conquered, a rapist saw, conquered and came."

"How much of this ""no more tears"" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?"