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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker? Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*"

"[traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday"

"Interviewer: what interests you about this job? Me: the pay Interviewer: can you be more specific? Me: cash"

"What is the dumbest joke you've ever come up with, while at work or in school? Go!"

"Every time I tie my shoe I feel like I'm giving a faraway sniper the go signal."

"Doctor Doctor, my period wont end! I am so sorry... I think that you have caught feminism"

"What is Doctor Who's favorite snack? Pop-Tardis"

"How do you know a cat is ready to leave? He makes a fe-line for the door."

"I hate moving house... It means I have to go around telling all the neighbours I'm on the sex offenders register again. I'm not, but it sure keeps their kids out of the yard."

"How do you starve a Socialist? You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit; Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!"