205245

Joke of the Day

"Did you know semen leaves the body at almost thirty miles per hour? This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though."

"Did you hear about player safety in the super bowl? Both teams suffered from blackouts"

"I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay. I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable"

"Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman."

"Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations."

"I wouldn't step onto a plane with thrust issues."

"Did you hear of the guy who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? He just could not explain it! Then it dawned on him."

"What do you call Neil DeGrasse Tyson with champagne poured over his chest? An Astro-fizzy-tits."

"Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math."

"What did the abused wife say about her husband? Beats me."